{"id":182,"date":"2014-09-01T20:50:21","date_gmt":"2014-09-01T20:50:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/menandabortion.net\/?p=182"},"modified":"2018-06-13T16:11:20","modified_gmt":"2018-06-13T20:11:20","slug":"the-painful-price-of-silence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/menandabortion.net\/index.php\/2014\/09\/01\/the-painful-price-of-silence\/","title":{"rendered":"The Painful Price of Silence"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Scott<\/a>There were several factors that kept my admission of emotional discomfort quiet after my\u00a0girlfriend’s abortion. The first factor was the vain attempt to believe that what we had done was\u00a0perfectly alright. Any emotional discomfort I felt was simply due to the reality that I was not\u00a0accepting the facts. The facts were that this had been a simple medical procedure that had\u00a0removed a clump of tissue that wasn\u2019t human\u2026no big deal. Oh how I desperately wanted to\u00a0believe that. It had been such a helpful solution to a very difficult situation I had created for\u00a0myself, and it wasn\u2019t even my idea. My first thoughts about my girlfriends pregnancy were the\u00a0obvious. I had to get a job to tell our parents what had happened and become responsible. It was\u00a0a difficult and maybe painful reality but I did not think there was a choice in the matter until my\u00a0girlfriend said the doctor told her to abort the fetus. Oh, so now it\u2019s not a baby and we can get rid\u00a0of it. That still did not sit right with me and then more pressure was applied to make me accept\u00a0the proposal and I caved in. I caved in hoping they were right. May be there was something\u00a0about human life that I did not know. Maybe it wasn\u2019t a baby after all. I hoped this was true, but\u00a0when my girlfriend returned from the abortion clinic all I knew was I was still a father but the\u00a0baby was gone. I tried to believe this was the reality. I tried to believe the doctor was right, i.e.\u00a0an abortion would fix the problem, but the dead feeling inside of me of loss and grief told me\u00a0otherwise. The guilt and shame I was feeling told me otherwise. The loss of self esteem and the\u00a0birth of self hatred told me otherwise.<\/p>\n

The realization that what we had done was wrong, that the abortion had not fixed the\u00a0problem but in fact had created way more left me in a state of trying to rationalize that the abortion was okay for a long time. The fear of facing the truth of what we had done and the shame, guilt, grief and loss that accompanied that potential awareness, kept me silent too.<\/p>\n

It was my new wife\u2019s second miscarriage that broke the dam. When we lost our second\u00a0child to miscarriage I could not take it anymore. The years of hiding and burying that awful\u00a0decision to abort my child were over. I could now see clearly that there was no difference\u00a0between the intrinsic value of the aborted child and the intrinsic value of the miscarried children.<\/p>\n

Just because my girlfriend did not want my first child it did not make it any less human than the\u00a0two children my wife and I wanted. I began to open up and seek help for the emotional distress I\u00a0felt because of losing my child to an abortion.<\/p>\n

A further hindrance to speak about the emotional pain related to the abortion was the\u00a0feeling I had that everyone who heard I was involved in an abortion would pin the whole\u00a0situation on me. I felt like everyone would see it as entirely my fault. I was helped in regards to\u00a0this issue in a recent group exercise for healing from abortion where a percentage of contribution\u00a0in terms of responsibility for an ensuing abortion was determined. It was seen by members of the\u00a0group that my contribution to the abortion after weighing the whole circumstance and everyone\u00a0involved, was 14%. When people heard my story and the situation in its entirety they felt my\u00a0contribution to the loss of the child was around 14%. I was surprised. I had always felt people\u00a0would blame it all on me. This attitude changed when I became brave enough to share my story.<\/p>\n

I paid a price keeping silent about the abortion. I had carried guilt, shame, grief, and\u00a0resentment. I had to push past my own shame and guilt and the potential recrimination of others\u00a0to break it, but it was worth it. By breaking the silence, not only was I able to see it wasn\u2019t just\u00a0all my fault I was able to gain an understanding of the provision God had provided through Jesus\u00a0Christ. I found out He had paved a way for me to have a relationship with God. I found out that\u00a0all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God and that it isn\u2019t just the sin of abortion that\u00a0separates people from God, it is our original sin that is at the root of our separation. I found out\u00a0that Jesus Christ had paid the price for that sin and all sin that came from that root. The abortion\u00a0helped me to see that I had needed Christ all along. The abortion made me aware of the need. It\u00a0turns out what the devil had designed to destroy me (i.e., the abortion), God turned it to good\u00a0when I put it in His hands. He has used it as the vehicle by which I could find the only salvation\u00a0that is available save anyone.<\/p>\n

I encourage any father whose lost a child to abortion to find a safe place to express your abortion\u00a0experience. In the presence of a healthy spiritual care giver you will find the same forgiveness,\u00a0healing and reconciliation that is available to anyone who brings their truth to the Lord. Break\u00a0the silence, it is worth it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There were several factors that kept my admission of emotional discomfort quiet after my\u00a0girlfriend’s abortion. The first factor was the vain attempt to believe that what we had done was\u00a0perfectly alright. Any emotional discomfort I felt was simply due to the reality that I was not\u00a0accepting the facts. The facts were that this had been<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-182","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articles"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Painful Price of Silence - Men and Abortion<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/menandabortion.net\/index.php\/2014\/09\/01\/the-painful-price-of-silence\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Painful Price of Silence - Men and Abortion\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There were several factors that kept my admission of emotional discomfort quiet after my\u00a0girlfriend’s abortion. 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